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| i can't help but say that i just don't want to be here.
what happened to my attitude? i dunno. toughen up? it's always easier said than done.
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| what's up with feeling like shit nowadays? sigh
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| So, two weeks have passed by. College has been okay... but overall, I haven't really been happy with myself or with my life. I don't know why. How can I make myself feel happy about things? Everyone else seems so excited and happy about college, meeting new people, trying new things. Me? I don't know, but something must be wrong with me if I'm not that excited. Along with that, I come back home but it's not that welcoming. I guess I was never too close to my family anyway. My sister drives me back from the BART station and when I see her, she's just in this pissed off mood, wondering why she had to pick me up. Sheesh. If she didn't want to, all she had to do was tell me. I would have taken the bus. From now on, I'm not gonna go home unless I really need to. I only came home this weekend because my grandma's having a birthday dinner. I'm glad I got to see friends, though. I enjoy the freedom I get while in college (only AT college.. but when at home, I back to all the nagging..) but not really enjoying too much of everything else.. sometimes I wonder if it really is worth going to college, dorming there, and everything... yeah, the experience must be great.. but education-wise? I don't know yet, lol. Is it really worth 28k a year? So much for financial aid, since my situation is very screwed up right now. I feel like I could be going to city college for so much less... putting less stress on my parents' backs.. I don't even think they know what I'm interested in. I myself don't even know what I want to do anymore. I don't know if I should think practically or what... everyone I seem to know is majoring in the sciences or engineering... all of which will have some sort of good career coming out of it. As for me, I don't know what I could do with a development studies major. I feel like I'll just come out of college not making much money and then my parents are just gonna feel like paying for my college education was such a waste. Maybe it will be.. hm, I don't know. I can't help but feeling so guilty at the moment.. and that still doesn't motivate me to do well in school. It just makes me feel depressed. I'm so disappointed in myself all the time.. I guess being at Berkeley doesn't help when you know you're surrounded by all these... super super smart people. Inferior complex! Maybe I'm just not used to this yet...
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| Soooo like, I have a buncha boxes in my room right now, none filled at the moment. Not so good. I better start packing soon because I feel like I'm gonna be pretty busy tomorrow and Saturday. Bah. I'm not ready yet. I'm still worried financially.. I paid my fees this month, but I'm really worried now because my dad said he didn't have enough in the account to pay, but I already paid using that one! Aiya :( why must the office make it so hard for me, after I got the Cal Opp and all ):. Oh well, I will stop talking about this!
Hopefully the fridge I'm planning to buy from a Berkeley grad will work well enough for a year. I wonder if she's been using it for 4 years... mm. Well, nice of her to deliver to me as well.
Crepe making failed today, as some things came up.. ): oh well, that's ok. Played mj at Serene's.. oh what it's like to be around Tony again. I've never met someone like him - he's sooo... mean in a different way. ha ha. Don't know how to describe it. It was super funny today, though, he ended up losing SO MUCH ahhaha and he had to do 69 pushups (your fave number, Brian). I had to do 28 -_- blah, I don't know why, but Serene and Jeannette just kept winning so much! Went home around 7.
Busy day tomorrow.. I have no idea what to wear to the team dinner tomorrow.. I'm really not much of a dress person. :/
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| Ohhh this song is sooo catchy! by Backstreet Boys, of course.
Gawwwwd my mom was soooo fascinated by Yelp today, only because wanted to know who gave reviews on the restaurant and what they said in them ._. sigh. Then she just kept talking and talking and lecturing and lecturing me about improving something at the restaurant because there are times where it's soooo busy but sometimes it's way too slow. Then she goes on about how she worries so much about not earning enough, about all this stuff that just makes me sick. Made me think about my horrible financial situation right now. Sigh.
I was going to run today, but then I woke up and thought Betty and Frank would be coming over soon, so I didn't go... but it took them a while, so I could have gone for a run and then showered D: oh well... so they came over and Frank installed Adobe CS4 into my laptop (thanks!) and just talked... looked up some funny videos online... lol..
Raymond then picked me up to get his wireless mouse at his other house. Little did I know, his other house was in PITTSBURG!! Isn't that funny? Haha. Long ride it was. Talked, messed with his GPS which I had to get used to. Wow, his house over there is quite nice and big! Coming back, we picked up Betty and Frank from Berkeley since Betty went there to buy her books for next semester. This way, we had enough people to go into the carpool lane :) thanks to Raymond for driving them as well. Sigh, I didn't think I'd actually need to buy so many books this semester! I was wrong. One class can require so many! :O I purchased one so far on comegetused.com .. coincidentally, I bought the book from someone I knew that went to Bal!! That's good, because I'll be meeting up with her to do the transaction, so it'll be safe :). Hm, I still need to purchase 4 other books.. 3 for Dev. Std. C10 and 1 for Math 16A. Not sure about Korean yet, I guess I have to go to class first before buying whatever I need. IAS 98 probably doesn't require anything. I'm a bit worried about that class because... there's only one person enrolled and one person waitlisted (ME!)... can a class really go on with just 2 people?? It's a directed group study.. is that a bad thing to take early on in college? I'm not exactly sure, but I thought the group sounded interesting (topic is Sustainability in Rural Areas) so I added it. I wonder when teachers allow you into the course, because it's almost time for school to start! As for Korean, I'm 10th on the waitlist, but no one's even enrolled yet... which is why I don't worry. At the same time.. I worry because I don't understand why no one's off the waitlist yet D:. I guess I'll just see next week..
Tomorrow will be fun, hopefully :) Crepe making at Netty's with Netty and Diana, MJ at Serene's. Yeee.
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